What I wish I had known before starting college

I love Ireland and Virginia Tech

I love Ireland and Virginia Tech

A high school senior recently asked me for some advice on his college decision.  I gave him some answers about professors and classes and the local attractions, as one does, but started thinking - what did I learn in college that no one really told me before I walked into my first class?  Here's what I wish I had known when I started college:

1. You will learn about your degree in class.  You have the potential to learn about yourself every single moment.  Pay attention to the activities you choose, the friends you make, and the adventures you have.  Everything is an opportunity to learn who you are, what excites you, what angers you, what satisfies you, what challenges you.  Your time outside of class is at least as important as your time in class, for it is in living your life that you discover who you are and how you are wired.  Learn from your play, learn from your rest, and learn from your part-time jobs as much as you can!

2. Once you get comfortable and safe, it's time to shake everything up.  At some point, you'll probably find a rhythm.  You'll make some good friends and establish a routine that will get dangerously close to stagnation.  This happened to me around the end of my sophomore year.  I didn't plan it this way, but my semester overseas the following fall was a huge gift to me in that it entirely disrupted my routine and put me in situations where I was uncomfortable - forcing me to grow.  Do not stagnate.  When it gets easy, find a new challenge.  (But do not dump those friends!)

3. Freshman year is after you graduate.  College is a new environment, but it's still school, arranged (most likely) in semesters, with homework and final exams.  You've practiced for it for over a decade.  The true freshman year comes when you have that degree and you're thrust out into a brand new world of working and supporting yourself and figuring things out on your own, with no standard culturally accepted academic framework to prop you up.  Learn all you can from internships, co-ops, and those who are several years down the road already - a crazy new adventure awaits, with brand new difficulties and brand new joys.

Too Many Yogurts: Three Ways to Make Better Choices

There are too many types of yogurt.

Sugar-free, Greek, whipped, fruit-on-the-bottom, fruit-in-the-middle, strawberry, blueberry, guava mango papaya explosion! If you don't already know what you want, you can quickly find yourself overwhelmed.  And that's just yogurt.

What about life?

We continually need to step back and readjust, especially when the fog rolls in.

We continually need to step back and readjust, especially when the fog rolls in.

I am slowing figuring out how to choose the essentials of life - those places where I find myself with an inescapable desire to invest and work and build.  The following are three habits I've begun to develop to help me make the best choices I can make:

  1. Regularly get alone to reflect.  I've taken Greg McKeown's advice to start a personal quarterly offsite - one day (or half-day) alone each quarter to reflect on the previous three months, set goals, celebrate sucessess, and learn from failures.  It has been incredibly helpful after reaching big "how did I get here"  moments and having to re-clarify and re-route.
  2. Ask "does this give me joy or sap my energy?" If you have an obligation that is thoroughly, consistently draining, it's time to ask whether it is a necessary activity.  Perhaps it's a frivolous task, a periodic meeting, some extracurricular event, or a business relationship that's more trouble than it's worth.  Often, there are circumstances through which we must simply slog in pursuit of a greater goal.  Sometimes, difficult times lead to tremendous breakthrough.  Nevertheless, perhaps there are aspects of your life that do you no good and can be eliminated.  Conversely, there may be opportunities into which you need to jump, because joy and meaningful fulfillment are just around the corner.
  3. Readjust as necessary.  Not every choice is a good one.  Instead of avoiding the fact, own it and chart a new course.  Confess your mistakes, be ruthlessly honest with yourself seek counsel, and move forwards.

What tools do you use when life requires a readjustment?  What questions do you ask of yourself to make sure you're on a wonderful trajectory?

What yogurt do you want to eat?

The Doctor Takes Frederick

We all love stories, and we all express that love in a wide variety of ways.  Several friends of mine, fans of the long-running BBC series Doctor Who, go to conventions and meet the actors in addition to watching the show.  One of them, Robin, has been working on her Tenth Doctor costume over the past few years, adding another element of interaction with a story that captivates her.

The Bells of St. John are Ringing!

Robin had wanted some photos of her costume for a while, and I have been experimenting with different portraiture to keep myself learning and growing.  A good match!  So, off we went to downtown Frederick on a cold Saturday afternoon.

Don't Blink.

When I photograph people, I am capturing their story, their personality.  It's fun to do that with a larger-than-life character; working together with Robin to bring her portrayal of the Doctor to life was quite the adventure.

Well... !

I am always honored when people tell me their story.  It's fascinating to learn what stories, in turn, captivate them.  I have friends who love the drama of Les Misérables, others who are so immersed in the Harry Potter novels that they may as well have gone to school at Hogwarts, and still others whose hearts ignite when confronted by old poetry and new songs and1950s musicals and the myths and legends of their ancestral homes.

I'm the Doctor, and I save people!

What stories captivate you?

Oi!

Contact Lens Solution and Lessons in Communication

I always forget one thing when I travel.  Just one, and never the same one.

This time, it was my toiletry bag.

I had been invited to spend the weekend with friends for the impending snowstorm, which would dump 2.5 feet on us over the next 48 hours.  The first day ended and i discovered I had no way to preserve my contact lenses overnight.  No one else in the house wore them, so we ended up boiling some water, adding table salt, and finding a bowl into which I put my contacts and homemade saline solution, praying the internet was wrong about amoebas in the water that would get on your contacts and eat your brain.

Snowstorms and amoebas.

The next morning, I asked my friend to ask his neighbors for contact lens solution.  He said he would, but was in the middle of some other things.  Time went by, I asked again, he heard, still kept working on the stuff he was busy with.  I was frustrated.  Then a thought: He doesn't know that I can only see six inches in front of me.  Fear of brain-eating amoebas had kept me from putting my contacts in, so I had remained incredibly nearsighted all morning.  I mentioned again that I needed contact lens solution, this time explaining my nearsightedness.  he heard and began the process of going to the neighbor's house.

Then another thought came: Why are you making it his responsibility to get you contact lens solution?  Do it yourself, you're not six.  I got my act together, trudged through the snow, knocked on a door, and got a travel-size solution bottle.

I was nearsighted that morning in more ways than one.  And I came away with the revelation that asking these two questions of myself will prevent many conflicts and misunderstandings in the future:

  • Have I fully communicated my needs to this person?
  • Am I asking this person to do something that is actually my responsibility?

Next time you get frustrated with someone, step back and examine yourself.  Because maybe you are the one who needs to shift your thinking. Deal first with your nearsightedness. Only after that can you help another person to see better themselves.